If someone is upset, I try my best to inspire them to pick themselves up and offer advice on how to change their situation if they’re in a tight spot at all. I’m honest and serious when I do so. The reason I do so is because I care for that person in my heart and I want to help if they approach me.
Sadly… I don’t get taken seriously. At all. Whenever I try to inspire someone, they laugh. They say that I’m being silly and that it just can’t happen. Whenever I offer advice or something to comfort them, it gets destroyed. I hurt a little each time, but I don’t give up. I keep going and the cycle repeats where my words are torn to shreds. Eventually, I break down and start getting upset over it and making it visible to them which makes them feel even worse and it gets passed between the two of us like a ball… only the ball hits me right in the nose and breaks that and my glasses.
I try voicing my opinion when asked to people and the same thing happens where I’m not taken seriously. I’m told a variety of things from “that’s silly” to “that can’t be real” to “your opinion is wrong” and last, but not least, “your opinion is wrong and I hope you die because it differs from my point of view on what’s right”. It hurts. On top of thirteen years of bullying and now being a survivor, I’ve had to deal with this since I could first talk around three years old.
It hurts to not be taken seriously. I am not a joke! I may be just a kid in your eyes, but I am not a joke! It hurts when my input on something isn’t valued when asked for it or when it’s torn to shreds because you’re a thick-skulled bastard that asked for help but won’t accept what’s offered to you. Regarding my words being torn to shreds, I’m starting to think that I’ll never be taken seriously anywhere I go in life. People like you motherfuckers ( NOT MENTIONING NAMES ) do this then expect me to magically speak to someone I don’t know all that well yet or order my own food at the fucking restaurant or go to college or get an interview for a job. IT DOESN’T - NOR WILL IT EVER - WORK LIKE THAT SO STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, I’ll never go anywhere in life. I can’t even read in front of someone without stammering anymore. I can’t read anything out loud. I’m too nervous to share most things with people anymore because all of these motherfucking sacks of horse shit adult put me down for too many years.
This is probably the last blog post I’m putting up because this is the last thing I’ll voice to anyone besides “hello” or “goodbye” or “thank you”.
I don’t fucking care anymore. I give up. I’m done fighting.